I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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