i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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