I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
