i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
