i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
