she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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