His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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