You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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