Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
