it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
