can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize