I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
