you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
