We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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