He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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