i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
