YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
im holly from the hills drunk
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize