I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
