did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
