i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
