I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
