I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
