Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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