Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
