Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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