I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
