I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize