I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
