Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
