Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
