Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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