k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
