I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
