Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
