My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
