Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
