So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
