shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
