She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
