Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
