dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And then my night got REAL pukey
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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