your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
