those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
