I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
