Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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