You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So vagazzling was a success
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
