This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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