If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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