If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
