I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
