You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
