I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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