True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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