girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
