just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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