for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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