If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
