I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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