Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
