So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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