I wish I could teleport
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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