My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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