I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
