and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
