Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
