it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
